In my newly developed program, 7 Steps to Personal Empowerment, steps 1 and 2, which mainly prepare you to go out there: in step one you're learning about yourself and what you want in your life and relationship and step 2 is about developing a belief that you CAN have what you want. Steps 3 through 6 are about going out there after your dream. The way that these steps really work is that, interestingly enough, you don't get to step 7 until you're actually ready. If you aren't ready after step 6, you fall back to step 3 and start the cycle all over again.
Step 3 is going out there asking for what you want, step 4 is setting boundaries and saying no to what you don't want, step 5 is about dealing with rejection and step 6 is about consistency and continuing on your journey in spite of fears and doubts that creep up on you in the process. One other thing I discovered about these steps is that you never stay still stuck on any particular step. You ether move forward or you fall back. If you don't deal with the pain of rejection in the moment, you will lose the desire to go back out there as you will start fearing it even more. When rejection becomes too painful for you to handle, it will be even harder for you to say "no" to others as you will not wish this "pain" upon anyone. These kind intentions are actually harmful to both you and other people. Eventually they will set you up to lose trust in others and make you want to stop asking for what you want. And once you lose this trust you may start re-evaluating your dreams and look for excuses as to why you don't want this relationship or this career in the first place. "Relationships are too hard anyways," or "I'm too set in my own ways, I'm better off by myself." But the good news is that just as you let this process go in downward spiral, you can turn it around and make it go up. All it takes is one effort, to do something you've been avoiding for quite some time.
At some point in your journey, when you were excited and motivated to go for it something happened. There was a turning point after which everything seemed to go downhill. It was a point at which you didn't follow through with one of the steps and lost your desire to keep following through with the rest of them. I call it the point of power loss. It may have been a time two weeks ago when you didn't set your boundaries with someone by agreeing to do something you didn't want to do. It could be something as simple as not returning a call or giving out your phone number to someone you weren't interested in and screening his/her calls. It could have been someone turning you down and you took it too personally and lost your enthusiasm to keep going. Or it could be simply you choosing not to take a chance with someone you really liked.
The truth is you don't always have the chance to go back and undo something that happened in the past. That girl you didn't ask out may no longer be available, that guy who kept calling you that you weren't into may have moved on by now and there is no point of calling him back 2 months later telling him you're not interested after he already got the hint. However, once you realized what was it that made you switch gears and slowed down your motivation, if you cannot go back and change what happened, you will be presented with another opportunity just like that. On the positive side, the fact that you identified your power loss point has only made you stronger and wiser. Now you have learned why staying in your power is so important.
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